The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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