I wish I could teleport
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Enjoy the penises
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
