The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
