How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
