Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I just sharted jello shots
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