we have pet lesbian snakes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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