Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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