so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
