She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
