PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
