I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
