My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
