question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
