we have pet lesbian snakes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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