Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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