I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
