i always forget guys have bellybuttons
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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