I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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