I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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