filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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