i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
