I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
