Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
