Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
