I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
