i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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