Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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