Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
