i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
