Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
