I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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