I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
