i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
