well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
