my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
