U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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