Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
