foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
