I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
