So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
