for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
