just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
