I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
