He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
