Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
