people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
