I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
