I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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