They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
