wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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