Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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