i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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