ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
