I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
